Just Like Heaven

Yesterday was Father’s Day.  Typically on special days, I try to create the best experience for everyone and end up stressed out and overwhelmed by the competing demands (mostly imagined, on my part) of each family member.  For once, however, instead of trying to create an experience everyone would enjoy, I retired from the role of Activities Director and just let everyone Be.  I didn’t pepper my husband with questions about what I could do for him, I didn’t stress out that we weren’t spending enough quality time celebrating him, I didn’t worry about what we could do to enhance his day.

This is a first for me.  And it was a wonderful experience.

For once, I gave up my imagined responsibility for everyone else and focused on myself.  Sound selfish?  It wasn’t.  It was quite the opposite.  You see, by letting go of the outcome for everyone, I was allowing everyone else to create their own experience.  It was in fact far less selfish of me than normal as I no longer was trying to dictate who needed what and when.

I have to say, it worked out rather deliciously.  I made my husband the big breakfast he requested.  I took him out to dinner at the restaurant of his choice.  I waited for him to ask me for suggestions of things to do.  I let him decide what he wanted without interjecting any of my opinions about what would make the day great.  And I did it all from a place of absolute love and acceptance.

The result?  A day of rest and relaxation, a day of connection and fun.

I put work aside.  I swam in the pool with my kids.  I read on the patio in the afternoon. I took a short snooze on the couch.  I played frisbee, dodge ball in the pool, and a unique sort of water polo developed by my constant fun-seeking 8 year old.  In short, I just was.  I was focused exclusively on whatever was happening in the moment.  This brought with it the most profound sense of peace and calm.

I didn’t set out to do this deliberately per se.  My intention for the day was simply to enjoy it by connecting with my family. I just had no idea the outcome would be so…joyful.

It wasn’t until the late afternoon that I realized that I had spent the day being present and blissed out.  I had climbed out of the pool and felt a little chilly.  I then did something I hadn’t in years.  I spread my towel out on the grass and laid in the sun.  Suddenly, I was a child again.  With the warm sun gently caressing my body, I was transported back to the carefree days when my biggest concern was whatever was happening at that moment.

In this particular moment, I was so very present that I could feel the warmth of the soft carpet of grass beneath my belly.  I could smell the crisp scent of the newly mown lawn.  The breeze tenderly whispered words of love over my body while a lone bird chattered in the distance.  I could hear the murmurings of my family poolside and while I was fully awake and present, I was also in a place of complete peace and calm.

This is how I want to feel as I live everyday.  I want to be connected to life in the moment as it is in that moment that I connect to myself.  It is in that place that  I allow life and everyone in it to be whatever they are without any illusion of the need for control.  It is from that place that I can love unconditionally.  It is this place that is just like heaven.