Monday Morning and the Close Call

By on May 3, 2012 in Authenticity, Fear

Let’s face it. Mondays can be a bitch. 

Not that I’m discriminating or anything because really just about any day can be ripe for bitch status. It’s just that Mondays have the distinction of being the first day of the week. When it starts, you just know that all that stuff that didn’t get done the previous week is still sitting there, waiting to be dealt with on Monday morning.

Ugh.

I had one of those mornings this past Monday. I had been sick the week before so a lot had gone undone while I recovered. Sunday night I started making my to-do list so I wouldn’t forget anything: Return some key emails, write this newsletter, write and mail the first of what feels like 100 May birthday cards, drive the morning and afternoon school carpools, and go to physical therapy. 

Monday morning that list greeted me bright and early. I mentally added to it as I prepared my kids’ lunches and wrote that birthday card. As it grew, so did my feeling of overwhelm. So much for Monday being the bitch in the equation. 

I was on the cusp of dethroning Monday and crowning myself Queen Bitch for the Day. I’m so glad I noticed before I did. Honestly, though, it was a close call.

It would have been easy to throw my hands up in the air and yell, “Uncle!” It would have been easy to yell at my kids, the dogs or morning traffic. It would have been easy to give in to overwhelm and spend my day feeling miserable and unhappy, sharing those vibes with everyone I came into contact with.

But it was even easier to notice the weight of that crown settling into my body. It took just a couple of seconds.

This may not sound like a big deal. But it is.

It’s a big deal because when you understand what you’re feeling emotionally, you give yourself a jumping off point for dealing with what troubles you.

But that’s probably not what you learned about emotions growing up. You probably learned that feeling bitchy, overwhelmed, sad, angry or any other “negative” emotion is not socially acceptable. You probably learned to suppress or stuff your emotions because heaven forbid you appear “emotional”. 

Feeling “bad” emotionally is perceived as a sign of weakness and vulnerability by some. A sign that you can’t handle things because if you could, you wouldn’t feel this way.  

But that, my friend, is just plain ole bullshit.

Contrary to popular opinion, there really is no such thing as a “bad” emotion.

Emotions, whether positive or negative, are a constant source of information. The “negative” ones let us know when something’s off or not quite right.  

Monday morning, something was not quite right and it had nothing to do with it being Monday morning or that large to-do list. It had everything to do with my state of mind. 

I had almost forgotten that things external to me cannot make me feel anything. Monday mornings and to-do lists are not Me and they have no control over my feelings. Only I have that power.

When I briefly reverted back to believing that other people and events controlled my emotions, I lost control of them. Monday morning seemed much more powerful than I. My to-do list was calling the shots and I was letting it. 

In that moment, I sold my wellbeing to things I told myself I couldn’t control. I put those things in charge of me and I made myself subservient to the idea that I simply wasn’t enough woman to get it all done. I started to feel small and powerless, a true victim of circumstance.  

Overwhelm and bitchiness kindly stepped up to remind me of the truth.

They spoke to me through the heaviness I felt the moment I put on the crown. That’s because emotions are physical vibrations and always manifest in the body. You just have to familiarize yourself with how they feel physically to recognize them.

From there it was a simple hop, skip and a jump to the knowledge that I get to choose how I feel and what I think. So I reminded myself of who I am, I put myself back in the driver’s seat and I relegated Monday morning and the to-do list to the back of the bus.

Because what really matters isn’t what you and I get done. What really matters is that you and I are responsible for taking care of ourselves and our emotional wellbeing. What’s most important is that we actually do it.  

It all starts and ends with your emotions. Feel them, listen to their messages and honor them for what they are – teachers who truly have your best interests at heart – and you’ll never have another “negative” emotion again.

 

Peace out,

Theresa 

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How Not to Suck

By on April 16, 2012 in Perfectionism, shame, Willing to Suck

Out in the dark jungles of creation, in the birthplace of beginnings, there lurks a mighty and tenacious beast. Its cries silent to the untrained ear, yet often without your knowledge, it etches its message in the deep recesses of your mind. A message that reverberates over and over again…

 You must not suck! 

Thus is the tortured lament of that savage saboteur, the inner perfectionist. Found in countless places where beginning is nothing compared to ending (with a perfectly executed flourish that stuns and amazes crowds), the inner perfectionist knows exactly how to push your buttons. 

She’s stealthy and keen, aware of your every move and determined to keep you from making another. The inner perfectionist does everything she can to protect you from the potential scorn and judgment passed by all who have their eyes steadily trained upon you. Those just waiting for you to fail.  

Well, that’s her story anyway. 

She’ll tell you that she’s merely doing you a favor by protecting you from the waves of shame that are sure to wash over you when you suck. Publicly. In front of people. Including those people you would most like to impress: your boss, the neighbor you secretly despise and all those people from high school who are now your friends on Facebook (including that jerk who dumped you at the prom in front of the whole school).

With all of that echoing in your mind as you prepare to begin, you might feel a little anxious, frustrated, stressed, or overwhelmed. Before you know it, the desire to start passes and you find yourself avoiding. 

Avoiding doing anything remotely related to what it is you’ve been saying you’d like to begin. Avoiding it like the plague, like a colonoscopy… like that jerk from high school. You might even realize you’re avoiding calling it what it is: procrastination.

With a sizable enough dose of procrastination you might find all sorts of amazing, fantastical things to do. I personally like taking a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser to the walls where my children’s handprints have nearly become a kind of camouflage for the paint or messing around on Facebook hoping for a dose of inspiration (from anyone other than that jerk).

 And that is exactly how not to suck.

Just give that inner beast the reins and let her have her way with your psyche, mowing down all vestiges of confidence, clarity and self-esteem. In essence, give up and you will never have to worry about sucking again.

Or you could just hit the bitch over the head with a frying pan, shove her in the closet and lock the door.

Naw. Don’t do that. She’ll only return with a vengeance.

Instead try a little love and acceptance. 

Start by giving her a metaphorical chill pill that goes something like, “Hey, I hear what you’re saying and I know you’re freaked out, but it will be okay. We’re letting go of needing it turn out any certain way, so let’s focus on having fun and enjoying ourselves. Every step we take is going to be so small that nobody will notice anyway.”

Then hand her a cup of tea, tuck her into bed, tiptoe away and begin by being willing to suck. 

Put yourself back in charge, not in a mean, controlling kind of way, but with a gentle compassion that will allow her to back off with a little grace. The inner perfectionist is part of you, after all, and being mean to any part of you will only leave you in more significant pain down the road.

Do it with love and before you know it, your inner perfectionist will be purring softly and contentedly while you get out there and try. 

Be willing to suck, keep trying and one of these days you’ll find that you no longer suck. That’s the best way how not to suck and in the end you actually get what you wanted all along.

Of course, it really doesn’t hurt nearly as bad as never starting in the first place. 

 

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Chill Out, Get in the Flow and Go

By on April 2, 2012 in Acceptance, Peace, The Process

When I coach someone else, when I coach myself, or even when I just talk to people, I continually hear myself uttering the same words over and over again. Now I know I’m only going to say this four hundred million more times or so, but really, you don’t want to miss out. 

If you’re out there working toward a goal – be it build a business, write a novel or just live happier – you’re really going to want to know and understand – not just intellectually but deep down in your heart and in your bones and in your cells kind of understand – that absolutely everything takes time.

You might be thinking That sucks. 

It can feel so damn frustrating that things take time. Trust me I get it. Just last week I was trying to figure out how to pay for Master Coach Training, but every time I asked how I was going to make that happen, I got the same message: Wait. It will come.

I wanted to cry. Okay, I did cry ever so briefly because I was so friggin’ frustrated. Just tell me NOW, I wanted to scream. But kind of like my kids, the universe doesn’t respond to those types of commands, so I relied on myself for what I know:

Everything is a process.

Everything.

Everything, I say!

There are no if’s, and’s or but’s about it.

I’m talkin’ everything.

I’m telling you this because it is so, so, so, so, so drummed in to our heads that the destination is the goal. You want to reach the finish line NOW. You want that success NOW. You want that brass ring in your pocket, smile on your face, money in the bank, trophy in hand, ring on finger, skip in your step, living in all your glory NOW.

But it’s the getting there where life is really lived and where everything you’ve longed for is created. It’s utterly amazing, astonishing and breathtaking. And it is its own reward.

That might piss you off or it might make you cry or scream out in frustration NOOOOO!!!

And that’s okay. They’re your feelings and you’re entitled to them.

But if you get all hung up on not having it NOW, the next thing you know you might find yourself mainlining all forms of chocolate, watching Real Housewives while curled into the fetal position sobbing uncontrollably and using your kid’s blanket to clean your face because you ran out of kleenex…not that I would know anything about that.

Here’s what you need to really, really know: Something is happening. Just because you can’t see it, doesn’t mean it isn’t. I mean, even God needs time to move the furniture around to make your prayers happen.

The getting there, the process doesn’t have to be torture. The torture is just a hint to remind you to chill out so you can experience that amazing, astonishing, breathtaking bit. 

Let go of the outcome and live for the process itself. The less you push through the process, the faster you can get in the flow and go. 

How, you might ask?

Try offering yourself the patience and acceptance you would offer a young child frustrated with learning to tie her shoes. You deserve that same kind of patience and support. This allows the process to be a gentle waiting, an unfolding, a gift. After all, the process is the birthplace of true learning and growth that will give you so much more than that ring, trophy or bank account ever could.

And no, I’m not making that up. I know because I have waited. And waited. And waited. And when I have, when I trust that I don’t have to push or know the answers know, when I treat myself with kindness and patience the answers have come. 

After my little freakout last week, I found myself going back to something that has worked for me over and over again when I need some love and support. It’s my mantra:

Everything is a process and it’s okay. It’s all unfolding perfectly. All I need to do is allow it.

It helps me let go, set my finish-line goals aside and focus on the step that is really important: the one right in front of me, right NOW. 

Try it on or concoct one of your own. Feel it deep down in your heart and in your bones and in your cells. You just might find that it helps you let go, feel happy and peaceful and even, perhaps, like you are crossing the finish line right NOW.

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What the Hell Is Going On?

By on March 19, 2012 in Acceptance, Uncertainty

 

I don’t know what the hell is going on.

If I had a dime for every time that thought zipped through my head, I would be surrounded by mountains of shimmering, silvery dimes. A virtual Queen Midas.

It’s the hallmark phrase of those struggling with what the I Don’t Know’s. It has lots of corollaries, too, like I don’t know why I feel this way, I don’t know what to do, I don’t know if I can do it, I don’t know how to do it, I don’t know anything.

The I Don’t Know’s can be a little freaky and even a bit terrifying. Kind of like being stuck in a nightmare with no end. Or a heavy fog that encircles you, holding you in the endless swirling gray of uncertainty.

And it’s normal. As much as it sucks, it really is just part of the process of becoming.

But so often, it comes with a sense of panic and urgency. A full range of emotions from frustration to anger to sadness. With an intense yearning to get moving, to get stuff done, to make something happen. 

This is called resistance, the state of not liking the state you are in and the subsequent pushing back against it. It’s a judgment of where you are, how you feel and what’s happening (or not happening). Judgment will lay its sharp teeth into you and rip you apart from the inside out making the situation that much more unbearable.

Which is exactly why what you resist persists. The more you resist, the worse you feel. The worse you feel, the more you struggle. The more you struggle, the less you actually do. Resistance perpetuates itself, continually pulling you down until you’re stucker than stuck.

So how do you get out?

Acceptance. Of what is. Of yourself. Of your feelings. Of the I Don’t Know’s. 

Acceptance feels peaceful, calm, and even loving in the face of the I Don’t Know’s because it doesn’t require anything of you other than to let it be.

You may be rolling your eyes and thinking, I don’t know how the hell to just accept this!

And you wouldn’t be alone. Acceptance is easier said than done, so let me help you out.  Acceptance can be kept at bay by the persistent thought that you should be doing more, moving faster, not falling behind. It’s essentially the good old Protestant work ethic that equates your productivity to your self worth. 

But your worth isn’t dependent on how much you do. It isn’t dependent on how much money you make or how you look either. 

You are worthy simply because you are. Simply because you were born being you with your dazzling array of strengths, gifts, and preferences. You are worthy because your uniquely you self is exactly what you need to get exactly what you want.

 Getting what you want out of life, living your dream, transforming your passion into reality is your path to discovering those things about yourself. 

Acceptance of the I Don’t Know’s requires the same. You must find your own answers by going inside, getting reflective and finding the truth from the only source that matters: You. 

You must know what’s right for you. And then you must choose it. 

This is exactly why pursuing your passion is the highest expression of self love. It asks you to open your mind to new possibilities, discover the beauty that is you, and get back to loving and trusting yourself in a way that exceeds the trust you place in the opinions of others.

But moreover, and I’m really rolling here, your drive to breathe life into your passion is not only the highest expression of self love, it is also the reason for its existence. It is a deeper calling to come home to who you really are and fall in love with yourself in a whole new way.

When the I Don’t Knows pop up, give yourself a break. Welcome them in as a way – as an opportunity – to create the very thing that frees you from the shackles of living from someone else’s rules. Consider them your invitation to living life on your own terms.

 

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Leaping, Launching and Specials Galore!

By on February 29, 2012 in conquering fear, spunk

Leaping, Launching and Specials Galore!

Happy Leap Day!

Once, every four years, time catches up to you and you get an extra day to do with it what you will.

How freaking amazing is that?

I say if you’re gonna get an extra day, you might as well make it count.

It’s a whole extra day of life, for Pete’s sake! 

Today is your day! 

Do something amazing. Start something new. Feel the fear but do what you want anyway. Take a small step. Take a giant leap. Shake things up. Jump for joy. Do something that makes a difference in your life. Something that gets you moving in the direction you want to go.

You don’t have to know the final destination. You don’t have to have a plan. You don’t have to know how it will all shake out and you don’t have to know exactly what it will look like when you get there. 

You just have to take a step.

It doesn’t have to be perfect. Or look perfect. Or please anyone other than you.

Today is your day! 

Close your eyes, take a few deep breaths and when you’re ready…

Leap! 

Today is leap day

Uncommon and rare

A day like no other

There’s no time to spare.

 

This stockpile of time

Banked for your pleasure

Today is the day

To move toward your treasure.

 

Today is my day.

It’s my turn to leap.

Into thin air 

Despite fear running deep.

 

Today is my day.

I’m keeping my word.

I’m launching my website.

I’m here to be heard.

 

There is no reason, there is no rhyme. 

Now is the moment. 

Now is the time.

I’m no longer waiting.

I am taking the reins.

I’m using intuition, my spunk and my brains.

 

To get what I want.

To feel what I feel.

To help other people who want to get real.

 

It may not be pretty.

It may not be neat.

But who freakin’ cares?

I’m up on my feet.

 

Moving and bustling and dancing along

Claiming my journey in rhymy singsong.

It hasn’t been easy.

It’s been quite a rush.

To climb to new heights and then start to gush.

 

As I leap from the cliff feeling fear I freefall

Into silence

Into peace

Into me most of all.

 

Say what you will

Do what you must

Today is the day

It’s you or it’s bust.

 

Be it a leap or a step

A tumble or stumble

A kick ass adventure

A success or a fumble.

 

Fumbles after all happen 

To teach you much more

To help you get closer

And eventually score.

 

Today is my day.

I’m launching my site

Perfectly imperfect

I leap and take flight.

 

Today is my day

To offer you more

To help you leap, too

With specials galore.

 

Only today

And not any longer

My services are discounted

To help you grow stronger.

Instead of full price

For each session you’ll pay

Only $75 to get on your way.

 

Buy as many as you want

You have six months to use’em

After that they expire

You’ll just plain old lose’em.

 

Send me the number of sessions you’d like

I’ll send you a bill

A deal we will strike

To get you the support and compassion you need

To make your dream happen

To help you succeed.

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Groovy Brain Science and Getting UnStuck

By on February 23, 2012 in Anxiety, Fear, Stuck, Taking Action

Groovy Brain Science and Getting UnStuck

 

Holy crap! I just learned the most fascinating thing. I mean, this is so new that the implications of it are still ringing in my head. There’s all sorts of groovy brain science behind this, but suffice it to say that researchers have found that: 

Fear incubates over time.

You might be thinking So what? That doesn’t sound like a huge revelation. You might even wonder why I think you would care.

Here’s why. You might think that you don’t feel fear very often, but fear comes in many different forms. The most common forms are actually more like projections of fear which include anxiety, worry, stress, and overwhelm.

Those feelings feel bad enough, but the real problem is the effects those feelings have.

Those feelings create patterns of action in your life that prevent you from getting the results you really want. These patterns include things like procrastination, perfectionism, and people pleasing.

Those feelings are what constitutes stuck.

See? I knew you’d care.

Imagine that what you really want is to launch your own business, but you have all these concerns about how long it will take, how much money you will need, how much you need to learn and so on and so on.

Those are not unrealistic considerations, but when you begin to worry about those things, fear – in several forms – will stop you dead in your tracks. The result? You never examine what it would really take to start that business or even consider if it’s something that you really truly want. And if you never get to that point, you’re probably not going to actually ever start it.

Because fear incubates over time.

It explains soooooooo much.

The more ruminating you do about what you want, the more the fear grows. The more the fear grows, the more stuck you become. The more stuck you become, the less likely it becomes that you will ever do the thing that you really, really want to do.

And that just sucks.

Of course, you might also want to know that fear starts below the level of conscious awareness.

That’s kind of freaky in and of itself, isn’t it? We aren’t even aware when fear starts to grow. It just does. Once it takes hold, watch out because it will pull out all the stops trying to get you to avoid the thing that seems to be causing it.

Fear doesn’t go away. It doesn’t dissipate. Not on it’s own anyway. So it’s up to you to do something about it.

This is where courage must be summoned from deep within.

The courage to do it anyway. The courage to know that what you want is too important to let fear stop you.

Bottom Line: The sooner you step up to the plate to claim your desire, the less fear you will have to trudge through to actually get it.

I guess that’s why Martha Beck’s advice on fear is that regardless of how scared you are to start, if it’s something that you really, really want to do, do it anyway.

And starting is easier than you might think.

It doesn’t require that you quit your job tomorrow. It doesn’t require filing for divorce immediately. It doesn’t mean overhauling your entire life right now.

Starting means taking just a single step.

Even a little step can be scary though. Even a little step can feel like a gigantic leap.

So make it small. That could mean doing some research. It could mean making a phone call. It could be reaching out for support as you face your fear and navigate your way toward creating what you want.

Of course, it could mean launching that new website that I keep saying I’m going to finish. Now that I understand why I haven’t, I completely understand why it’s so important to just do it. The longer I mull over it, worried that it isn’t even close to being perfect, the less likely it becomes that it ever will be. Or that I will ever even launch it.

So allow me to announce that as of next Wednesday, February 29th, I’m taking a leap. My new site will be live. Even if it is imperfect. Even if it isn’t exactly what I want. Even if it’s scary.

Once I leap, you can bet I’m going to celebrate. So look for next week’s announcement in your inbox along with a special little something to celebrate the leap that ends my stuckness.

And maybe, just maybe, you will leap with me.

Taking the plunge,
Theresa
www.theresarobbins.net

 

“When you’re walking through fear, don’t stop and pitch a tent.”

~ Laurie Foley

 

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Busting the Grumpies

By on February 16, 2012 in Gratitude, Happiness, Uncategorized

Disclaimer: This is not a post about flatulence.

I’m just saying because one of my son’s favorite euphemism’s for passing gas is busting a grumpy. I’ve often put it to him that since he laughs each time he busts a grumpy and he feels relief afterward, shouldn’t it be called busting a happy?

Apparently, for a 9 year old boy, it just doesn’t have quite the same appeal.

I experienced my own kind of grumpy this morning, but it had nothing to do with flatulence. My grumpy was of the irritable, angry, downright pissed off kind of grumpy.

I woke up early, I was tired and I didn’t want to get out of bed. The thought of my weekday morning routine did nothing to alleviate my pain. In fact it made me want to take refuge under the covers and, once again, count the number of days until my kids are old enough to get themselves to school.

Instead I prepared to make the same school lunch I make everyday, say the exact same things I have said every morning for the past 7 years (Did you brush your teeth? Don’t forget your homework. 5 more minutes!!), and take care of the other early morning tasks that start my day.

Then I realized my son wasn’t up yet. He had not set his alarm. He did not have time for a shower. Goodbye cleanliness. Hello child who looks and smells like a hobo. Grrrrrr….

What felt like the sourest of moods instantly took a swan dive into a deeper cesspool of misery.

25 minutes, I thought. 25 minutes, he’ll be off, the dogs will be fed and I’m going back to bed.

It helped knowing some self care was in the cards. I actually managed to survive the early morning school rush while maintaining a passable attitude of love and kindness.

When it was over, I went back to bed.  Just for a little while.

I felt better when I crawled out of bed the second time, but my to-do list hit popped up in front of me and so did my case of the grumpies. It wasn’t quite as severe but still, nothing felt like joy. Everything – even the stuff I love to do – felt like drudgery.

At that point, I almost called it quits on the slim hope that things might improve. However, things turned around later when on a group coaching call we started talking about focusing on the abundance in our lives.

I’ve got an abundance of the grumpies, I thought. What could possibly be perfect about having an abundance of the grumpies?

Then it hit me. When the grumpies pass (and, kind of like flatulence, they always pass) I will feel good again. I will experience greater gratitude and appreciation for the things present in my life.

And I can start right now.

I’m grateful that I’m still breathing.

I’m fortunate to wake up in my big, warm, comfy cozy bed each morning often several hours later than my husband.

I’m love seeing my kids in the morning before they go to school.

I’m blessed that we can afford to feed our kids breakfast, lunch, dinner and snacks and I can have all the early morning caffeinated beverages I want.

I’m thrilled that we have two adorable, sweet puppies to play with, snuggle with and laugh at as they play their way through life.

I am so, so, so, so, so lucky that I can go back to bed if I really want to!

Boom! Grumpies busted! Just like that. Bye, bye grumpies. Hello happiness!

In a world where you get to choose how you feel, why not focus on the happy side of the story? It doesn’t require you to ignore any more truth than focusing on the grumpy side of things. It sure makes you feel better though.

For five minutes today, take a break from giving your attention to what seems to be missing, where you seem to be falling short or what is going wrong. Start noticing what is perfect just as it is. You might give a little laugh and feel some relief. You might even bust a happy.

 

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WWLD? – Part 2

By on January 26, 2012 in Uncategorized

I laid in bed, tossing and turning. I had slept fitfully the night before and given myself permission to rest after dropping the kids off at school that morning.

But rest wasn’t happening.

Anxiety, stress and frustation clenched at my chest. My head spun and my stomach churned in agonizing uncertainty. My question for the year drifted into my head:

What would love do?

As soon as I asked the question, I got quiet and opened myself to receive the answer.

It came immediately.

**************************************************************************************************


A gentle hand stroking my hair away from my face, away from my neck. He held me close in tender embrace. His face leaned in toward mine. The electricity of amplified anticipation coursed through my body. Goosebumps danced on my skin. My heart raced. Breathing quietly, softly, wanting to withdraw but inexplicably drawn closer to hear as he tenderly cupped his hand around my ear. A smile playing across my lips. A blush rising to my cheeks. His warm breath tickling my neck as he softly whispered, “Nothing, nothing, nothing…”

 

****************************************************************************************************

 

He was my first love. Young teenagers both of us. Dreaming about being together forever. Hearts and initials drawn on every conceivable surface. Every moment together treasured, cherished. Every moment apart, dreaming about the next time we would be together.

 

****************************************************************************************************

When I asked, What would love do? I had no idea the answer would come from a boy 30 years in the past. The boy who made me giggle and blush all the way down to the tips of my toes with what he so charmingly called “sweet nothings”.

Those sweet nothings were anything but nothing.

Those sweet nothings were really something.

They weren’t about words. They weren’t about deeds.

They were about love.

They were love.

Even though the words themselves, their very meanings, said nothing.

His sweet nothings filled me – not just my heart or my ear, but my whole being – with peace, calm, and the strong, sweet energy of love.

That morning it wasn’t his love I felt though.

It was my own.

It was my love for myself, for my life, for simply what is.

The love that happens upon letting go of the tossing, turning, and churning.

The love that happens by simply being.

The love that comes with doing nothing.

Nothing, nothing, nothing….
Theresa

 

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WWLD?

By on January 11, 2012 in Priorities, Self-Love

At the beginning of each new year, instead of setting some senseless resolution, I choose a new intention for myself. An intention to guide me toward more of what I want.

This year, my intention, my guiding principle, my theme, my motto is Choose Love.

It might sound sappy or cheesy or rather naive, but I’m not talking about greeting card, Hollywood or romance-novel love.

I’m talking the real deal.

I’m talking about thinking with love, feeling with love, and acting with love. I’m talking about a love infusion that simplifies, frees, and inspires. I’m talking about channeling love. I’m talking about being love.

Love is not just a feeling.

Love is a conscious thought.

Love is an action.

Choosing Love starts not always in the heart, but often in the mind.

When I’m unsure what to do. When I want to yell and scream in frustration. When I feel small and scared. When my family is getting on my nerves. When I feel powerless. When I want to eat a package of Oreos. When I’m overwhelmed. When I’m underwhelmed. When the remote is in someone else’s hands. When I’m in pain. When things seem much harder than they should be. When nothing seems to be going my way. When my faith wavers. When it’s time to make dinner. When I hit every red light, end up behind every slow-moving vehicle, choose the slowest line at the grocery store. When my wi-fi goes out. When I don’t have as many clients as I’d like. When I struggle with writing. When my puppies eat my $90 laptop charger. When my husband is angry at me. When I feel lonely and need a friend. When I disconnect from myself.

Instead of reacting, I consciously Choose Love by asking:

What Would Love Do?

I don’t claim to be a saint, a therapist, or a love guru. (Actually, that love guru thing sounds kind of fun…)

But through my experiences coaching myself, coaching others, talking about it, reading  and writing about it, I have unearthed some truths about love. I choose to live these truths as the basis for my answers to my question: WWLD?

Love starts with self.

It means loving yourself as you are.

It means doing so is not only okay, but required.

It means knowing you are enough.

It is forgiveness for your imperfections, mistakes, failures.

It is acceptance of what is.

It requires nothing from anyone else.

It expects nothing in return.

It is given of you, by you and for you.

Love gives.

Permission to be who you are.

Permission to learn, dream, and explore.

Permission to ask for help.

Permission to break the rules that bind.

Permission to make the choices that are right for you.

Permission to see things for what they are.

Permission for dreams to take time.

Permission to live your life for you.

Love lets go.

Of what isn’t working.

Of the idea that you need to be perfect.

Of the idea that others need to be perfect.

Of the idea that life needs to be perfect.

Of the idea that something needs to happen to feel okay or be okay.

Of the need for others to feel, act or respond in a certain way.

Of the desire for others to be other than they are.

Of the idea that you can make others love you.

Of the idea that you need to or can change others.

Of others’ opinions and judgments of you as anything other than information that reflects on them.

Love sets boundaries.

That honor you.

That honor your preferences, strengths, and values.

That honor your time.

That create space for you.

That inform others of your choices regardless of what they do.

That teach others what is acceptable to you.

Love doesn’t…

Need.

Feel desperate or clingy.

Punish.

Feel like guilt.

Fear.

Hold a grudge.

Hurt.

Insist what’s right for someone else.

Worry.

Judge.

Need anyone else’s opinion.

Care about being right.

Instead…

Love leads.

Love inspires.

Love accepts.

Love grows.

Love allows.

Love heals.

Love creates.

Love flows.

Love teaches.

Love forgives.

Love acts.

Love chooses.

Love is a conscious choice.

Love is a conscious choice that you can make anytime.

Simply by asking, WWLD?

What are you choosing this new year? What truths will you choose to live by?

 

 

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What’s On Your Wish List?

By on December 9, 2011 in Magic, Permission, Wonder

Remember the Sears WishBook?

I could have hugged the mailman when he delivered it to our front door each year. That day was a bonafide red-letter day in our house. A day that signified the true start of the holiday season for those of us who weren’t tall enough to decorate the top third of the Christmas tree.

My brother, sisters and I would fight over it, circling all of the things we desperately longed to find under the tree on Christmas morning.

To me, the arrival of that catalog was nothing less than the arrival of the magic and wonder that kept me on the edge of my seat in high hopes and anticipation for weeks until Christmas day finally arrived.

Remember how powerful that magic was? How completely satiated with wonder you were at this time of year?

Do you remember the last time you felt that way?

It seems many people don’t.

In the first 20 years or so of my adult life, I pretty much stopped believing in magic and wonder.  I thought it was kid stuff. I thought those days were over. I thought magic didn’t really exist and wonder was a thing of the past.

Then I woke up and got real.

Magic exists. It happens everywhere every day. It’s always there waiting to be claimed, but that whole external reality thing sucks you in and keeps the door to magic and wonder shut and locked.

Magic doesn’t happen outside of you though. Magic happens on the inside.

Magic is self created.

It happens when you recognize and give yourself permission to claim what you really, really, really want.

Just so we’re clear, I’m not talking about “stuff” here. I’m talking about having the life you want. I’m talking about passion. I’m talking about dreams.

You’d be surprised (or maybe you wouldn’t) at how many people recognize what they really, really, really want, but won’t give themselves permission to even think about it. Before magic and wonder can step inside, they slam the door shut like armageddon’s on the other side.

Maybe they think that there’s no time for dreaming because they have a family or too much debt.

Maybe they think it isn’t possible to have what they want.

Maybe they think other people won’t approve.

Maybe they think they can’t succeed.

Maybe they think it would be too hard.

Maybe they think they are too old.

Maybe they think they don’t have the right stuff whether it’s money, talent or good looks.

Maybe they think dreams are for other people.

Maybe they think they aren’t good enough.

Maybe they think all of those things and a whole host of other crappy thoughts that make them feel fearful, frustrated, sad, and small.

But all of these are just thoughts.

They are permission-sucking lies.

Lies that keep you stuck and make you feel like crap.

Lies that hold magic and wonder at bay.

Lies that keep you from living the life you want.

What if you had a WishBook right now? One filled with everything under the sun both tangible and intangible? What would you circle?

Do you know what you really, really, really want?

Will you give yourself permission to have it?

I hope so ‘cuz chances are you aren’t just going to stumble across it one of these days. Why that would suck all the magic and wonder right out of having it!

It’s so worth it. And so are you.

Wishing you magic and wonder,

Theresa

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